I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found a bag of teeth...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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