Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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