The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
