i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
