I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
