im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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