We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
