If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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