Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
