just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
