i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
