put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
thus making me awesome and them whores
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
