Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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