ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize