she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
time to smoke my breakfast
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
