Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
