I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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