Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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