I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
