hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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