Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
