she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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