What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
