he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
