oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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