She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
