the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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