It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Randomize
