can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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