Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
