i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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