he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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