you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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