Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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