Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
