i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
