I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
