and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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