very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
