you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
