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Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
