I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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