she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
