you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
