he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
