benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
