Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
