He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
