you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
