So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
