my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
