My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
