if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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