I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize