I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
