Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
