I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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