Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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