Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
