He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
