i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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