she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
