if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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