On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As shirtless as possible
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
