my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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