i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
