Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize