omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The feeling are messing with the penis
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
