omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
