I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
