ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
