i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
