i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
