we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
