the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
