im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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